Jason Barger had an amusing post this week about the chaos at the luggage carousel. By traveling light, the carousel madness can be averted. Alas, no one escapes the other airline version of the Great Wall — the pre-boarding area.
Most airlines have some numbered system for boarding. Some call them zones, some call them groups. But it doesn’t seem to matter because almost no matter where your group is, you are likely to encounter an impenetrable mass in front of you.
This Wall of Humanity varies, but includes all types of travelers from business types to families, even if the airline announces there is no pre-boarding. The unifying factors: Most of them seem to be in the last groups and they tend to have lots of carry-on “stuff”, especially around the holidays. They line up well before boarding, as if in hopes that some magical spell will suddenly propel them to the first group.
The agent calls your zone, and you struggle through the crowd towards the gate, while trying not to bash someone with your carryon. (Did I mention that denizens of the Wall are often also focused on cell phone calls or their Blackberries? Because of course, they know they don’t have to board yet.) And sometimes people smile and sometimes people look at you as if to say, “What are you doing?”
In some cases, the poor outnumbered gate agent will make a futile plea for only passengers in the chosen groups to approach the gate and for others to stand back. That usually gets about as much of a result as passenger complaints to an airline.
For some in the Wall, there is method to the madness. By being already there, they figure they will be the first of their group to board, and often in fact, with earlier zones stuck behind the Wall, they get to board earlier. (Ever been stuck trying to gently push through and hear a perky voice call, “Okay, that’s it for zone one, zone two may now board.”)
In most cases, joining the Wall makes no sense…after all, you are all about to be crammed into that metal tube for some number of hours. (It always really amazes me how people will rush to get on a ten-hour international flight.) There is always the overhead bin prize, as in first choice to the winners and I suppose for the paranoid, squatters rights should the airline double seat two people.
Southwest, in spite of their cattle-car seating, seems to avoid much of this by creating separate lines for different groups. Or maybe they just train their passengers better.
In the spirit of giving, it would be nice during the holiday season if travelers waited in their seats or just stood back from the gate until called, or at least until the prior group has been boarding for some time. Perhaps airlines could offer incentives – a small random prize such as a drink coupon where you must be seated in the boarding area to win. In the meantime, most of us will just keep hoping the FAA someday approves Tasers for this purpose.
Just kidding. Sort of.
Janice Hough is a California-based travel agent a travel blogger and a part-time comedy writer. A frequent flier herself, she’s been doing battle with airlines, hotels, and other travel companies for over three decades. Besides writing for Travelers United, Janice has a humor blog at Leftcoastsportsbabe.com (Warning, the political and sports humor therein does not represent the views of anyone but herself.)
